Holidays change over the years. The mystique that surrounded holidays during childhood may fade, but they nevertheless remain a treasured time to spend and enjoy quality time with family; perhaps more so as both parents and grandparents advance in years. If you have little ones, you get to recreate the magic of the holidays your own parents created for you. And if your parents and grandparents are getting along in years, than you may have to work equally hard to manage a frustrating holiday guest: Alzheimer’s.

It is estimated that over 4.5 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease. The disease is at present incurable, and typically afflicts those over the age of 60, with risk of contracting the disease increasing with age. Those that develop Alzheimer’s can live anywhere from 10 to 20 years after their initial diagnosis, depending on specific symptoms, progression, treatment and support.

Alzheimer’s may be first identified as Dementia, an umbrella term that refers to changes in brain function. Some Dementia is reversible, but at present Alzheimer’s is not. Alzheimer’s refers to when nerve cells in the brain die, making it difficult for the brain to transmit proper signals. This inhibited brain function most typically impairs memory, thinking, and judgment.

This impaired brain function manifests to the onlooker as different shades of forgetfulness. A person with Alzheimer’s could forget simple things like where they put their keys, or significant things like “fire can burn you” or even what their name is.

While the behavior of those with Alzheimer’s can be disturbing, it is important to remember, especially as you gather together for the holidays, that they are still the person you love. If they forget who you are, do not take is personally, and above all continue to be friendly and caring towards them.

Communicating with loved ones that have Alzheimer’s can be challenging. Maintain eye contact when speaking to them, you will be able to tell if they can understand you by their facial expressions. Try to be attentive, upbeat, and gentle in tone; this should make them feel comfortable and secure. Remember they are not a child, so do not be patronizing or belittling in words or tone, this can cause frustration and anger. Remember simplicity is best in words you choose, and be patient when communicating with them, trying to adapt to whatever mode of communication they choose to use. Above all, remember they are still your loved one, treat them with respect and dignity, and cherish what time you have with this holiday season.

For more on Alzheimer’s, check out the Alzheimer’s Association homepage.

–Matthew Krajewski